I'm not lazy....... I'm pregnant

I am just about getting used to this pregnancy lark, and yes I know that as soon as something becomes normal to me, some other horror happens like piles, Geez, don't we suffer enough without having bum grapes inflicted on us?*

Anyway as I was saying, I am lucky enough not to be working Full time which really suits me, but far from meaning I get more done around the house, I have simply just increased my sleeping and relaxing hours accordingly. Seriously at the moment my life is like living in a spa, although without the piles of crap around and lots of housework to do.... in fact who do I have to fire around here to get that done?! Don't get me wrong I have a LOT of important things to do, but I am currently milking being pregnant, after all I am not too stupid to realise that come June 09 this is OVER and I actually have to pull out my (rather pampered) finger and look after the Baked Bean.

Until then however, I figure that I am giving myself some great times to look back on and dream about when I am up to droopy knockers in poo and followed around by a screeching baby, then I will think back fondly about the day I spent reading in bed, all day only getting up to eat chocolates and slather my face in moisturiser.

So, on that note and as this typing lark is making me think of hard work I shall retire, to stuff my porky little face with Maltesers and paint my toenails......... whilst I can still see them!

So chill out fatties, the day of reckoning is fast approaching so put your feet up and relax.



*N.B Please do not take this as a public declaration that I have piles, whilst I may skim over the subject lightly mainly for its timeless comic value, one does not however discuss the royal butt.

Tell tale signs I was pregnant

1. Not being able to hold my hard liqour (tee hee, ok that was a sick joke)

2. Not being able to party past 11.30 without a, falling asleep b, actually wanting to go home.

3. Truly not having a thing to wear that didn't showcase my, what I thought was bloated stomach.

Ok so that's it, apart from a little feeling gross but what I thought was just tiredness and stress to do with my first fashion show (my designs, not me modelling, or should that be waddling!)

But I don't have a thing to wear!!!

Ok, firstly two things you won't find on this pregnancy blog that probably make it different to every other puke inducing mama blog (bleurgh, and that is heartfelt, not just morning sickness):

1. Talk about the 'wonder of life', yep it's great and all but it would be much comfier and bloody convenient if grown in a test tube, you've got to admit.
2. A countdown week by week of how big my Baked Bean is getting, and how I'm feeling emotionally about it.

Let's get this straight right from the very beginning, whilst I am happy that in June 09 there will be a little visitor, I am not a mumsy earth mother kind of girl, just not me, just not gonna happen. So whilst I am starting a blog to cover my pregnancy, think of it more as a cautionary tale to wayward young hipsters of the importance of effective contraception than it is a heartwearming tale of one life within another (again with the vomiting)

So on that note, if you are a stylish young woman weeping over the suddenly few fashionable wardrobe choices available then this is the blog for you, if however you are excited about your first pair of maternity 'dungarees' (that's overalls to you North American heathens!) then keep moving lady, this aint for you!

Smell ya later fellow fatties xx (not politically correct? ah sod it!)